Out of the Mouths of Babes

I have a small group of 10 senior girls that I've been mentoring since they were freshmen. We've met every Wednesday night for 4 straight years. We've been through alot together... loss of our pastor, brain tumor, DUI, pregnancy and abortion, alcoholic parent, love, heartbreak, friendship, division, Homecoming queen, contestant on Jeopardy. It's been a long and crazy road. Right now I'm lucky if I can get 3 of them to show up on a Wednesday due to graduation busyness or straying from faith or issues within the group. All I want is for our last night together to be amazing. I'm working on it.

Tonight, Mollie taught from Matthew 5:9 and Romans 14:19

"Blessed are the peacmakers, for they will be called sons of God."

"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutal edification."

Talk about God talking straight to my heart. So sweet and so amazing.

Two girls showed up tonight that both had been "done" with their best friendship. After this lesson, they stayed back and we got to talk about what happened. I think it's a bit repaired now. God is awesome in the way that He works! Love how His timing is always perfect.

A Sigh of Relief

I was so discouraged that I could not be the real me on my blog (since I'm a youth pastor at a large church), so I avoided it, truly disappointed that I had no place to express my struggles or share about my life's events like everyone else in the world can. But my sweetest friend Alison (pic above) gave me a great idea! Set the privacy settings so that only the people I want can read it! So here I am! I'm back, and I've been dying to share with you about my life, my faithful friends and family.

So let me start by having a chance to finally "wear my heart on my sleeve" as Ali would say...

Things have been rough. We got back from our Mexico trip and 2 of my staff were fired. I would say it was a good decision; but the backlash, the upset children and parents, the gossip and drama, the personal attacks, the broken friendships, have made Jake and I feel brutally beat down. Just last night all of our friends had a party and we were the only ones not invited. Investing in the people up here to be our NorCal family and then to experience this, well, it's been painful to say the least. And the worst part is, we didn't do anything. We're just still at the church that they were fired from, and some people weren't happy that they were let go. Honestly, it was a necessary decision for our church at this time. We've been nothing but sensitive to all of their needs and pain.

I hate at times that being the "bigger" person means I have to swallow my pride and not fight back or say the things that I truly feel. That "taking the high road" is always better than letting someone know how badly they've hurt me. I understand that the evidence of the spirit in my life is self-control and patience and gentleness. But man, I feel like I may get an ulcer! The human side of me would love to tell someone off and hurt them the way that they've hurt me. Don't get me wrong, I refuse to be a doormat, but I won't allow myself to be brought down to their level.

For those of you back home in SoCal, I'm sure you're thinking... how much more of this can Jake and Bri take? I can only say that through the strength and joy we've experienced in the Lord through all of this and the incredible sense of purpose we still believe we have with these teens and with this church, helps us to be more determined to not let this keep us down. It's definitely a calling.

The biggest thing that God is teaching me lately is the destructive power of "assumption". I have watched people's assumptions destroy relationships like an aggressive cancer... assuming things because of what they saw, assuming because of what they "heard", assuming things they don't know and believing them to be fact. Assumption led by gossip has brought so much division to my friendships and ministry this month. The truth teller inside of me just wants to scream out to those assuming and tell them to quit with their conspiracy theories. Nothing good comes of it. I admit, I have been a victim of assumption and paranoia as well. It sneaks in and plays games with my mind.

My feeling this very second is (don't worry, it's temporary)... the most evil people I've ever met have been Christians. At times I wish I could just throw in the towel and say that I'm done. I'm tired of the "good kid" game. In the name of "truth" the most evil things have been said and done. I know in my heart that God NEVER intended for His church to be like this. I'm determined to not let this continue to affect my students and the faithful volunteers and staff that are determined to work through the ugliness. I have an incredible bond with those I work with and I trust them as they have been tried and true through this muck. God is so much more than a temporary challenge and I need to lead my students to see that.

Ahhhh... thank you so much friends for letting me vent! I just needed to express this to someone for support. Please understand we are not in despair nor do we want you to worry. Please just pray. God is bigger than all of this. Our church is in need of change and change is hard. I love you and I promise to be more honest here... because you've asked me to. I can't thank you enough for letting me just be me!

Mexico Trip 2008

I am so proud of my teens. We took 92 high schoolers and adult volunteers to Tecate, Mexico to build houses for the homeless during Spring Break. This year we completed 5 houses, helped another church with theirs - so almost 6, and put on VBS for the local children. It was an amazing trip. The weather was great. Kids' lives were changed and impacted by what they saw and experienced. I even got to share my story about Justin (friend from high school who died after he went on a Mexico trip with me). We had our Easter service in Mexico and then relaxed at Mission Beach. I can't think of a better way to spend Easter. God is awesome!

Here's the whole group...

We were split up on separate build sites. My site loved to dance... especially to the Macarena.

Eating lunch inside our partially built house...

Our final house. My group "Emunah" (means Faithfulness in Hebrew) and the family we dedicated it to...

Ugh, I hate this picture. But I have to put it up there for the parents. This is my Easter sermon.

Day at the beach. So fun!

Pictures from the Race - not my cutest

I did it!

It's an incredible feeling. And I think I'm hooked. It was SO much fun! If I could skip all of the crappy training and just do races, I would be sold for sure. I loved it. The running culture is so neat all together. It's one of those things you know nothing about until you enter into it - the energy, the people, the fun. People were dressing up crazy for the "Shamrock" theme, everyone's so encouraging. They're just there to have fun. I felt like we were all gathered to do something incredible together. Let me tell you, there were so many shapes and sizes and ages there. I was blown away.

So I'm having a hard time knowing where to start with all of this so I don't miss sharing my whole experience with you....

My morning started early at 5am, yuck. It was still dark. I HATE getting up when it's dark. It's not natural. Here's something funny. I had a superstitious breakfast. It started last week when I ran so well after our 11 mile run. This is what I ate then, so I went out at 8:30 last night and bought it again at the store thinking it would work this time. Feel free to gag. :)

Odwalla Superfood Green Smoothie

Cheddar Cheese Rice Cakes

We arrived at J'aime's house at 6am, well actually 6:10 or so. I'm always running late.

We look sleepy. It was still dark out and sooo cold and windy. The forecast was 39-63 degrees and windy.

Jake was really sleepy. He worked a horrible shift yesterday starting at 8am and didn't get home until 11:45pm. Poor guy got up just to support us and watch me finish!

I'm married to a very sweet man.

We put on our race bibs and time chips and stretched out.

We got to Raley Field around 7am but stayed in our car with the heat on. They told us to plan on getting there around 6:30am so we wouldn't miss the start. It was crazy. Even as we were at the starting line there were tons of cars backed up to get in. I'm so glad we got there early and didn't have to worry about it. It finally got light out around 7:30am.

We got up to Raley Field (our minor league baseball field) and both J'aime and I needed to pee. She waited in this horrendous line and I decided I'd pass and just sweat it out. I honestly thought we wouldn't make the start if we waited in line. Wrong-o! J'aime got to go and I spent my entire run focused on not having an accident.

Yeah, we didn't stand here (below). We were more towards the back. It doesn't start your time until your racing chip goes over the green line, so we were in no hurry. To be honest, I was worried about getting trampled on by the stampede of people. It's really claustrophobic at the start for the 1st mile. Lots of people to dodge and bump into.

And then we ran. And ran. And ran. :)

Before more pictures, some things I don't want to forget about the race...

• I regret not wearing my iPod even though the rules said you couldn't. I really wanted my Nike plus to record my run and wear it (without the headphones), but I was too scared that after all of this training I'd be DQ'd. Guess what? Everyone and their mom wore iPods. I called them jerks everytime they ran by.
• The bands at every couple of miles sucked. It was either kids with wooden recorders, scary monster music, or a saxophonist playing "smooth operator" and "I shot the sheriff". Not really my idea of running music.
• I went back and forth and back and forth about whether or not I would wear my sweatshirt for the race. Remember, it was butt cold out at the start. I'm so glad I did. It was a pretty windy run and so it totally helped. I couldn't feel my hands for about the first 3 miles. At about mile 10 I took it off and wrapped it around my waist. I want to remember this for next year. Did I just say next year? :)
• I should have gone to the bathroom before the race. I went at J'aime's but then I drank my Odwalla and some water. I felt like a race horse with a tied up "you know". A couple of liquid stations had port-o-potties but at each one there were about 10 people in line. I was not going to stop! It was so funny. At the first mile I saw a bunch of people just jumping behind bushes in the race to squat and go.
• J'aime's husband Tim gave us strict coaching, "Fatigue is for cowards. Run the whole thing!" He's so funny. We stuck to it! I can honestly say we didn't stop or walk for the entire race.

I came in 1,863rd place out of 2,644 people recorded.

I know there were over 3,000 that ran, but they were probably too late to get their time clocked.

J'aime was .9 seconds ahead of me and got the 1,862nd place. You go girl!

My total time for the run: 2 hours, 25 minutes and 53.9 seconds. About 11:08 miles.

Jake got a really cool picture of us finishing. J'aime's got her hands in the air victoriously, and I'm just trying to finish the run hard.

Here we are! Isn't it cool that we got to finish like this inside Raley Baseball Stadium? It was seriously cool. We were on the big screen with an announcer calling out our names as we crossed the finish. All of our peeps were in the stands cheering. Even Jake's friends Nick & Drew showed up. I felt so honored that they came. I think the announcer called me Brian Johns and pronounced J'aime like the Mexican boy name Jaime (hi-me) Rosales. She gets that all of the time! lol Oh well.

Can I let you in on a secret? My anxiety (or excitement) kicked in once I saw the 13 mile sign and knew we were only .1 mile away from the finish. I could hear the crowds and I was really hyped. Just after the finish I seriously struggled with keeping myself from throwing up from being so overwhelmed. I was afraid as the person cut my running chip off that I might just ralf all over her. Below I'm smiling, but I'm actually trying to hold it together and not toss my cookies. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. I get so worked up!

Me and my medal. I am soooo proud. After the race Jake and I went straight to Chipotle for some lunch. I wore it inside while we ordered. I wanted to bask in my glory for the day. Maybe I'll wear it everyday! jk

So what now? Lots of stretching and rest today. Then, I leave with my teens on Tuesday for our annual trip to Mexico to build houses. I'm definitely keeping this blog for just regular life stuff so stay tuned. And hey, maybe I'll train for another race and record it here. I don't have any concluding thoughts but these song lyrics that were in my head the entire run, from the song "Brave" by Nichole Nordeman...

So long status quo

I think I just let go

You make me wanna be brave

The way it always was

Is no longer good enough

You make me wanna be brave

Brave, brave

I love you all so much! Thank you for being a witness to this very new adventure in my life.

So I Think I'm Ready...

I feel so pro with all of this gear! :)

The low-down for tomorrow:

I'm waking up around 5am to make sure I get out to Sac by 6am. We pick up J'aime and head to the race to be there by 6:30am. The race starts at 8am. I'm so not a morning person. Ugh.

My biggest fear? The mental challenge during the run. I know my body can take 11 miles fine and so 13.1 shouldn't be bad, but it's the whole "during the run" part that's tough on me. Normally when J'aime and I run I don't want to know how far we've gone or how much more there is to go. I just want to get to the finish. But in a race, they mark out each and every mile, so you know where you're at and how far you've got to go. Sometimes this gives me alot of anxiety. I'm working right now on preparing myself mentally for it. It's kinda one of those... "I'm going to give this thing my all" type of things. I wanna push myself for this and not let anxiety creep in. It's my first race and I've only got one shot. Luckily, at about each mile there will be bands and cheerleaders to make it fun.

I'm really getting excited now. This will be my last blog as a non-marathon runner! Wow!

Two Days Away

I'm off to pick up my official race packet in Sacramento. I can't even put an emotion to what I'm feeling about this race now. Worried, excited, nervous, numb, in awe... it's going to be something that's for sure! Tonight I'll probably run one last time before the BIG DAY. Something short just to get my legs going. After that, it's what all this training has prepared me for!

Check out here for all of the info on my race!